


I'm Sorry I'm Stupid

by ParadoxNoah



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: AMELIA YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO READ THIS, Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, M/M, Sad Red, Suicidal Thoughts, Supportive Green, not graphic tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 13:20:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10514586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParadoxNoah/pseuds/ParadoxNoah
Summary: Red has confessed his love for his best friend, Green. However, not long after he found out Green is dating Leaf. He is torn by this.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Amelia, you are not permitted entry. Also, I put a lot of personal feelings into this. I think it may be one of my best works.

Red lay sundered and shattered on his bed, like a bundle of shards wrapped in a cloth. There was no way he could reform the person he once was. There was no way he could forget the events of yesterday. He hated himself for that.

Why did he have to be so stupid? Why did he have to be so stupid as to let himself feel? He didn’t need to be so paralyzed, yet he found himself incapacitated and broken; shaken like an earthquake deep into his bones. It fractured him. 

He’s stupid. So, so stupid. It’s not as if he deserved what he wanted, yet it still crushed him to have it taken. To have no chance. What a stupid idiot he was.

When he saw that emerald look from the boy, what did he expect? Something good? No doubt, only a fool would believe such a thing. Only fairy tales were like that. And yet, he still persisted to fall into that pit. And he fell. He fell so far into the void that he could not come back. Not at his will, not at the boy’s will, not at the will of the gods when he was rejected; pushed into the hole with no end.

Darkness. That feeling of hopelessness surrounded the boy, and for an instant one could see the ruby glow in his eyes fade to gray. He, himself could feel it. It was not so unfamiliar, more like the feeling of a sore limb; he welcomed it again, because that feeling was refreshingly a reminder. It was reminder of stupid he was, and how helpless he has always been. It reminded him of the harsh truth.

“Don’t fall in love,” he had told himself many, many times. “Do you remember last time? Or the time before? Perhaps, before that? You stupid, stupid child.” He wished he could have given up. He should have. All that waited for him at the end of the tunnel was a nighttime sky. There was no light. Still, he fell, and he brought that person he cared for with him.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m an idiot. A stupid stupid idiot.” The boy held back his tears. There was a time, a place, and a reason for everything. He had no reason. He knew he was just being a stupid, spoiled child that thinks he deserves everything.

He didn’t deserve anything. Not someone like him. Fairy tales don’t exist. Or, rather, he doesn’t have enough worth to convince the world around him to make it a reality. Because, for a stupid homosexual, that kind of thing is borderline impossible. Actually, the border line is so high, it is impossible. Media only represented fantasy. He was stupid for believing for an instant that such media was remotely realistically possible.

What he did, confessing his love, it was stupid. They were friends, for quite some time. All that affection Red mistook for love, all of it, was simply a friendly gesture. He was so stupid for believing otherwise. He had never seen a gay person before, what odds would it be that one just popped  _ and _ liked him? Too low, that made him stupid for believing in the chance. 

All it did was make things awkward. He probably ruined the friendship, what little bit he had. Now, everything was gone; he wasted it on a bet. The coin flipped the wrong side, it seemed. However, in reality it was a double-sided coin he was so blind to.

He could never look Green in the eyes again. All that he treasured was a lie, and all that he hoped for was impossible. Still, he decided ruining their friendship was worth it. His life was so nice, now he made Green feel awkward. He is such an horrible person. He is such a horrible ‘best friend.’

It was probably worse since the boy he loved actually had a girlfriend. How so, so stupid he was. Of course the boy had a girlfriend; he was quite the player, it seemed. He flirted with everyone he came across. It was easy for him to get a girlfriend, no reason to expect otherwise.

Hopefully Leaf didn’t loathe him for loving her boyfriend. Though… he would deserve it. They were friends, at some point, before Red first fell into the void. Red cared deeply for that friend he had made. Yet, he was still so stupid that he didn’t think before he confessed to the girl’s boyfriend. Red was a stupid, stupid idiot. He just ruined his only relationships and now he probably made his only friends feel awkward.

Maybe he should just die and let them be happy…

 

But it would just make them feel worse, wouldn’t it...

 

The ruby eyes, vanished under a layer of skin, drifted to sleep, further into darkness, death’s brother. It wasn't what he wanted, but it felt the same.

* * *

 

Red sat quietly on a bench, waiting for the morning bell to ring while before a crowd.

All these people. They go about their busy life, never stopping, never thinking. “Why am I doing this? What purpose is it? It it worth it?” Those were the questions that kept the world spinning. These questions remind people to develop a better cognitive being. Yet these people, they knew nothing. They were all idiots, blind to the world. Blind to the destruction before their myopic vision. They-

The ruby eyes stopped racing. The words in his head ceased with such violence that it shook Red's mental state. He skin moistened in a way a delicate one would disgrace.

That was all because of the emerald eyes locked on his.

“Hi Red! How are you?!”

“Uh… Um.. I'm good…”

“Are you sure?” The tall brunette sat by Red. “You seem a bit aloof.”

_ Oh no. _ “Y-yeah… I think I'm fine.” The raven-haired boy hung his head.

“Red? Tell me. You need to talk about your problems to someone.”

_ Please don't. _

“Red?”

_ No! _

“Is this about yesterday?”

_ Please, please don't. I-I can't… _ Red held himself back, and along with his arm.

“Fine. I'll leave.” The tone in his voice was irritated, and slightly raised. Red despised that. No, he loathed himself for it.

“No!” His outburst attracted more eyes.

“What?” Green pauses from his walking.

“Please… Please don't leave…” It was too quiet, but the emeralds could see.

“Well than what do you want from me!? Do you want me to leave!?”

“No... I…” Red was interrupted by a loud response.

“Well then, why won't you talk to me!?” Green's voice was loud enough to shatter the thread holding Red together.

The boy felt himself come undone as he stood. The tears rushed and his faced turned desperate. “I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry I had to… I had to make you uncomfortable! I'm sorry I'm stupid and… I don't deserve you. I don't belong anywhere. You have Leaf and I'm so stupid! You and her are perfect I don't belong anywhere with you! I'm sorry I'm gay and… I can't even find courage to just die alr-”

He stopped. The boy- his crush- Green… he was embracing him. Why?

“Shut up, Red.”

Was he… crying?

“Don't ever say that.” Green's voice had changed to something new, something comforting. “I couldn't lose you Red. You may be stupid, but it's because you think you don't belong. You do. You belong with me, and Leaf. I may love her, but I love you just as much, okay? I know it's a different kind of love, but I can't lose you. Not ever.”

Green retracted his body, but kept his arms on Red, his face slightly worn from crying. “No,” he shook his head, “Red, you don't understand. Red, you're my best friend. You're my favorite person, my favorite guy, my main man. I'll never leave you, and you can't leave me. I want to live a romantic life with Leaf, but I still couldn't see it without you. I know it's not the same as how you feel, but… please, don't say anything like that. No, I'm commanding you, don't every say that. Promise me.”

Red stared in astonishment. Maybe he was right.

“Promise!”

“I promise…” the boy mouthed.

“Louder!”

“I promise!”

“Alright,” Green put his hand on the boy’s back. “Let's go get your emo ass some food. I know you don't eat breakfast!” The brunette pushed Red.

“Hey!”

“Oh! Well  _ have _ you ate anything?”

“I ate… um…”

“That's what I thought! Alright, how about pizza!”

“Ew…”

…

…

“Excuse me?”

…

“I thought we were  _ friends _ .”


End file.
